The Star Trek reboot opened on Friday. Did I like it? Do you care?

Spoilers ahead…

As a JJ Abrams movie, Star Trek is eyeball sound effects entertaining. As a movie written by Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman, it’s an absolute groan-fest.

The movie starts out with phasers on stunning. The USS Kelvin feels like a submarine in space; the bridge is tight quarters, the crew look busy, terrified when under attack yet still in control at their consoles. We get a sampling of the reboot’s visual and sound effects when Nero’s ship multi-torpedoes the Kelvin to surrender. When the computer announces Captain Robau has been terminated, we are then given a full serving of torpedoes and phasers, which are more spit out than surgical like Wrath of Khan or The Undiscovered Country’s.

And then for the rest of the movie the pie gets thrown in our face.

Star Trek has way too many comedy moments that serve no purpose other than to make you chuckle or clap howl – just like Orci and Kurtzman’s Transformers. Kirk running around the Enterprise hands swollen the size of pillows and then tongue swelling up – unnecessary, not at all funny. Other gags weaken the movie: Anton Yelchin’s accent and his inability to authorize his command codes because of said accent; all of Simon Pegg’s scenes, especially the scene where he gets transported in the water pipe, such a goddamn waste of time.

The worst scene in the entire movie is young Kirk driving the car off the cliff. When I saw the first trailer I thought – and hoped – it was just a scene filmed for the trailer, but as soon as I saw that car accelerate down the road, I wanted to toss my popcorn at the screen. I won’t go as far as saying this scene makes no fucking sense whatsoever – because it does set up the symmetry with young Spock and how he spent his childhood. Putting aside the execution of the scene, there is no need for the kid to scream out his full name because the previous scene already announced his name – yes, only as Jim and only as a newborn, but the idea is still the same when he’s a kid. It’s like they couldn’t make up their minds on which introduction of the iconic character was better so they simply used both.

The introduction of Hikaru Sulu – played on John Cho – is another comedic moment, but whereas the ones mentioned above are over-the-top and eye-rolling, this scene succeeds in every way possible. As the rest of the fleet warps to Vulcan, Sulu throttles but the starship crackles out an unwillingness to engage. After reassuring Captain Pike that he is the helmsman and Spock asking if he disengaged the magnetic field (or something to that effect), Cho delivers a subtle expression of disbelief for such an oversight on his part. And that’s the thing; for us the oversight isn’t obvious but Quinto’s inflection and Cho’s response tells us it is something he should have caught. Not only is the reaction chuckle-worthy it also serves a purpose because later on the Enterprise warps into the debris field comprised of the fleet that had warped on ahead.

Like Cho, solid performances come from Chris Pine and Zoe Saldana. Eric Bana – always terrific.

The one performance that is perfection: Karl Urban. Not only does he have the best lines (“space is a disease wrapped in darkness and silence”), he is never quirky, and the mannerisms he takes from the original McCoy (played by Deforest Kelley) never feel forced like a fanboy service; when he first meets Kirk and explains the consequences of a compromised hull plate, he projects the rhythms of Kelley right down tot he eye bulge. And when Urban has to deliver the famous line “are you out of your Vulcan mind?” he says it with a realistic urgency as opposed to a wink nod to the audience.

Unfortunately, like other Star Trek movies, the Enterprise does little in the way of showing off its armaments; and with this aside, I’d say this Enterprise has the least screen time. There are very few flyby or impulse-speed shots of the starship which is a shame since even though it’s not as sexy as the Undiscovered Country Enterprise, it is still a slick design.

Despite my many complaints, Star Trek is entertaining and worth repeat viewings because it begins and ends strong. The ending, specifically the moment Nero’s mining ship is caught in the Red Matter, is a showcase for the Enterprise to fire everything. But more importantly, the strength of the ending is what doesn’t get elaborated through melodramatic edits and effects. After all, if the person who killed your father was dying, would you sit back and watch without inflicting your own damage?